Alaska
by klecticelectric
Summary: It's a good 40 years after Laurent accidently changed Bella in the meadow,and Edward never came back.Now, she lives with Tanya's clan in Alaska,when the Cullens just HAPPEN to drop in.Please don't tell me this story is overdone.Hope it's better than sound
1. News

**Disclaimer: I only own Edward in my dreams. He, and the rest of the Twilight characters, belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky girl!**

The hot water pounded into my back. The pressure on the stream was on the most powerful setting, at the hottest temperature, but it still only felt like someone was dripping warm water onto my back. I frowned as I concentrated on the sensation. Had it always been so weak? Or was I just becoming numb to one more feeling? I shut off the water in order to save myself from that dangerous line of thought.

Wiping off the condensation on the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my face.

"Well, shoot." I murmured to myself, grazing my gray eyes with my fingertips in the mirror. The irises were a light gray, with a black rim around them. The effect was altogether creepy, and I knew I had put off hunting too long. I cursed my stupid "gift" for the millionth-time. When Laurent had changed me, my original immunity to other vampires' gifts stayed. In addition, I developed an immunity to bloodlust. Although my sense of smell was perfect, the blood of others didn't affect me whatsoever. I guess I must be constantly thirsty, but I couldn't feel it so it didn't bother me. However, my eyes had faded from a rich red to a light grey and, no matter how much I drank, never changed to gold. Apparently it scared humans when my irises faded so light though, so I tried to avoid it by hunting. But, I didn't really enjoy hunting at all, so I tried to avoid that too. My existence was a complete lose-lose situation. Damn Laurent for trying to kill me! Damn those stupid wolves who drove him off before he could finish the job!

Okay, so I guess it was kind of a useful gift. I could walk amongst humans with ease as soon as my transformation was complete. I never even had to struggle with my choice to only feed on animals. Well, I did in the beginning, just to convince myself that I wasn't feeding on humans for ethical reasons, not just because of _him._ I glanced at myself once more, hoping that somehow my eyes would have darkened on their own. They hadn't. I sighed in resignation. I _really_ needed to invest in a pair of colour contacts one of these days. There was nothing for it but to take a sick day from work and go hunting. At least it wouldn't take too long. The good thing about living in Juneau, Alaska, was that good hunting grounds were never far away.

I got ready as slowly as possible, taking the time to straighten my hair and apply makeup, trying to delay the inevitable. Then I placed a call to the tourism office where I had been working after graduating university for the fourth time. Seeing as no tourists really stopped in Juneau of their own accord, I wasn't really missed if I took the occasional day off. After the call I knew I couldn't put it off any longer, so I slowly trudged towards the door. Before I could reach it, however, Tanya burst through the door.

"You'll never guess who's come into town!" She exclaimed, nearly hopping with excitement.

I had been living with Tanya and her "family" for about 5 years now. Her coven had slowly expanded, until there were nearly 10 of us. We were scattered throughout Alaska, but 4 of us lived in Juneau. Almost every vampire who lived in Alaska was a "vegetarian". If other vampires passed through, we gave them two choices: become one of us or leave and never come back.

"Who!?" I exclaimed, her enthusiasm rubbing off on me. It was hard to ever feel bummed around her.

"Oh, it's this- I don't think you know them- haven't seen them in forever! This coven-used to be close with one- oh! It's just so exciting!"

"Tanya," I replied soothingly. She often worked herself into a frenzy like this. "Calm down! I'm sure you would love to tell me who's here, but I can't understand your frenzy-talk."

She giggled. "I know, I know… sorry, I just haven't seen anyone in this coven for a good 40 years! They actually used to live around Forks, in Washington? Isn't that where you were changed? The Cullens? Sound familiar? Hey, now that I think of it, they lived there around the time you were changed…" Her voice trailed off.

I realized my breath had stopped. Years of freezing the pain was the only thing that kept me standing.

"Bella? You don't look that hot… well, not literally, I mean you always look gorgeous, but are you alright?" Tanya inquired, her enthusiasm replaced with a concern.

"Yes." My lips moved of their own accord. "I just need to go hunting."

Her next words were lost to me, something about where they were staying and how she planned on bringing me to visit later that night. I only nodded mutely. Eventually she left, with promises of returning later. I concentrated on taking steps towards the door, down the steps and into my car. Once I had started driving down the highway, though, my concentration broke and I had to pull over. Like melting ice, the memories- and pain- came flooding back. Each breath escaping my chest brought back a new memory, and not just about him, either.

_Edward's lips in my hair._ Breathe in._ The hospital room in Phoenix. _Breathe out. _"You're no good for me, Bella"._ Breathe in._ The meadow._ Breathe out._ Laurent. _Breathe in. _Jacob. _Breathe out._ Billy. _In._ Charlie._ Out._ Renee._ In._ Edward. _Out._ Edward. _In. _Edward. _Out.

One by one, I crushed each memory into the farthest corner of my mind. They wouldn't help me now. I sorted out my thoughts in order to calm myself, closing my eyes. The Cullens were in town. Did they know I was here? No. Of course not. Why would they? Alice probably stopped keeping tabs on me after they left. Besides, they surely wouldn't come here if they knew I lived here. They weren't that cruel. Were they?

So what could I do? Run away? No. I was stronger than that. I would just keep a low profile, is all. I would make up some excuse to Tanya to avoid seeing them, take a few weeks off work. They probably wouldn't stay for that long, anyways. Maybe they wouldn't all be here. Maybe it was just Rosalie and Emmet, on yet another honeymoon. The thought soothed me.

I let out a harsh laugh. Who was I kidding? I _wanted_ to see them. I wanted to be able to see the only part of my past life as a human that I _could_ see. But I wouldn't. Staying in the same town and hearing about them through Tanya would have to be good enough for me.

I turned my car around and headed home, leaving behind all thoughts of hunting. I had bigger things on my mind than freaking out humans.

**AN: I know this storyline is a little cliche, but I couldn't help it. Sooo, this is my first fanfic! Was it terrific? Did it make you puke in your mouth? Share it with the world and write a review!**


	2. Trapped

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Edward... sigh... or any of those other goons, in fact.**

It's been three days and two nights.

I can't take this for much longer.

You'd think that with an eternity to live, I would have developed very good patience skills, or at least a looser grip on the passing of time. But every minute these past few days has been pure agony. Almost every day Tanya comes by, begging me to meet them. And every day I told her not today, but not to tell the Cullens about me so that when I do meet them it will be a surprise! She's pumped me with information, the vital bits being

a) ALL the Cullens are in town (gag!), apparently it's some sort of "reunion"

b) They were staying at a motel downtown and

c) There was some sort of gathering tonight to introduce them to the other Alaskan vampires. I had politely excused myself from it, saying I had a ton of work to catch up on. I knew Tanya didn't mind. From the way she talked of the Cullens, it was easy to see which one she preferred. Namely, the one that I preferred. Still. After 40 years. Ugh. I wouldn't risk our friendship for the sake of a vampire who didn't even love me.

At least they were leaving in 2 weeks, I reminded myself. But would they stay away? Tanya had said last night that there was a rumour that the Cullens would return permanently. I shuddered at the thought. I would have to move, surely. I couldn't bear living in the same town as him. These past few days, with nothing to do except watch Survivor reruns, I had been doing a lot of thinking. I could almost bring myself to say his name without a wave of pain washing over me. Almost.

I shuddered again, this time to get off that line of thought. Tanya had probably fabricated the rumour herself anyways, in order to try to get them to stay.

I _really_ needed to get out of the house.

And why shouldn't I? I had been here longer, hadn't I? I thought to myself boldly. This was **my **territory. Before I could overthink it, I was out the door. A quick look at the clock told me that the gathering should be well underway by now. It was at the cabin out by the power plant, though, so going for a run was out. The chances of me seeing any vampires downtown were pretty slim, so I settled for a sedate, human-paced walk around town. Maybe I would stop at the pub and catch up on the local gossip.

The night air was cool and refreshing, with a soft scent of pine. I sucked in deep breaths as I walked. This was why I loved Alaska. The air wasn't polluted with human waste. I found myself drifting further into town. I took in the sights and sounds of Juneau nightlife, which were pretty much nonexistent. A few pubs and one nightclub was the only form of entertainment. I could hear the faint strains of music from the club as I rounded a corner and froze.

Less then ten feet away from me was Emmet, whose eyes were intent on the two dark figures that were cornering him into an alley.

**AN: Sorry about the short chapter and the cliffie! I'm suffering from severe writer's block right now. Maybe some reviews would help get my linguistics flowing. **


	3. Confrontation

**AN: So a couple things might be a little confusing in this chapter. Don't rip on me, it will all be revealed to you later. Oh, and reviews are still great!**

**P.S I still don't own the Twilighters.**

I could tell that Emmet hadn't caught my scent yet, as his eyes were still on the figures. I panicked for a few moments, and then managed to calm myself down. Emmet couldn't cause any trouble here. I simply wouldn't let him. I crept noiselessly along the wall beside the street, listening to their conversation.

"Ya think yer pretty tough, eh boy?" One of the figures rasped.

"Yeah, just bargin' into _our_ bar and acting like you own the damn place? Well I got news for ya buddy. You dun't." The other one said.

"Actually, I don't really think anything like that. I was just trying to get a drink." Emmet replied, irritation leaking into his amused voice.

I relaxed and let out my breath. The "dark figures" were just Jerry and Cole, a couple of humans I worked with. They were obviously drunk, and probably wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. Still, I didn't want them waking up in the hospital, which they certainly would if Emmet lost his temper. I tried not to think too much about what I was doing as I strode confidently towards them.

"Getting into trouble as usual, boys?" I inquired lightly, facing Jerry and Cole. I was hoping against hope that maybe I could just persuade them to go back into the pub, follow them in, and maybe Emmet just wouldn't recognize me.

"Izzy??" Jerry slurred, squinting at me. I had insisted on people calling me either Isabella or Izzy when I moved. Bella died in Forks. Tanya never picked it up, however. "Is this guy givin' you some truble?? 'Cause I wouldn't r-really mind ya know, defending yer virtue and all that sn-jazz."

I didn't even try to process what he was saying. "Um, no thanks. I was just heading in for a drink. Here, I'll buy you both one. Let's go." And I took them both by the elbows, with full intentions of leading them into the smoky bar a few steps away. I wish I had made it. Instead, I felt their arms ripped out of mine, and heard Jerry's and Cole's slurs of indignitation as they were thrown bodily away from me. Frantically, I ran towards the bar door. I felt someone close their fingers around my wrist, and I was pretty sure it wasn't Jerry or Cole.

I turned around slowly, keeping my eyes on the ground. Why was he doing this? Why did he have to make this so much more painful?

"Bella?" I heard an amazed whisper.

"Isabella." I corrected reflexively, then bit my tongue. My eyes flitted towards his face, with an incredulous look plastered across his face. A piece of the frozen pain melted, I could feel the flood within me. So I resorted to my last defense: screaming.

"HELP!!" I yelled, "I'M BEING AT-"

The last half of my plea was silenced by a cold, hard chest; Emmet was crushing me in a tight hug. I stiffened. If I ever had Christian beliefs, they were all squashed now. Why would God purposely inflict this much pain on one being? I briefly considered going Buddhist while I waited for Emmet to release me from his death grip. The whole reincarnation and karma thing would make a lot of sense. I was probably Jack the Ripper in a past life, or something. Before I could muse further, Emmet released me and grabbed my face, tilting it towards him. I kept my eyes downcast.

"Bella? What's happened?" He whispered, eyes probing my face.

I tried one last time. "My name is Isabella Tan. I'm 23 and I work in tourism. I'm sorry, but you must have me confused with someone else."

His laugh startled me. "Bella, I think the one thing that hasn't changed since I saw you last is your inability to lie."

I was lost at _saw you last… _I struggled against the inevitable pain. I raised my gaze to rest on his golden eyes. I saw his eyes widen in shock at my irises, which I'm sure had faded even further.

"I'm going to get a drink." I said, the steadiness of my voice amazing me.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was distracted by a thudding noise, followed by a crunch and some mumbled curses. I looked around him to see Jerry lying on the ground holding his limp right hand. I smiled weakly at his attempt at "defending my virtue".

Emmet, momentarily distracted, released my face to help Jerry to his feet.

"Sorry, buddy." He boomed, "But I have to say you had it coming."

I took the opportunity to slip quietly into the bar. I knew he would follow, but I hoped his chivalry would delay him until I got a few drinks in me.

**AN: Hope you liked it! My writers block was miraculously cured, expect a new chapter soon!**


	4. Discovery

Alcohol has a strange effect on vampires. It is both a gift and a curse. The strange mixture of chemicals, in strong quantities such as in whiskey and tequila, causes a hazy effect on our minds, softening corners and darkening rooms. Although it was nothing near the pleasantness of being actually drunk, it did impair our judgement slightly. However, alcohol is the only substance that vampires can't cough up. The only way to get it out of our systems is to cry it out. As you can probably imagine, it hurts. A lot. I didn't mind it too much anymore, though. It helped cover up the internal pain I was crying about in the first place.

I was musing about this strange phenomenon while swirling the remnants of my second glass of brandy. I was known around town as a girl who was able to hold her liquor very well, so no questions were asked when I came in and took my drink to the furthest corner of the pub.

Maybe Emmet wouldn't come back, I thought, still swirling the glass. He's probably back at the motel, laughing with everyone about what a mess I am, and how badly I lied. I could imagine them all gathered in a circle around Emmet, golden eyes gleaming with delight as he mimicked my attempt to pass myself off as Isabella Tan. In reality I had kept my real last name, Swan.

"So," An all-too familiar voice rumbled, "what's the scoop?"

Emmet slid into the booth. I noted that he at least had the decency to sit on the opposite side.

I continued swirling the glass, trying to keep my voice casual. "Aren't you supposed to be at some gathering?"

He chuckled. "I was on my way, actually. Just trying to stall by going into the bar. You know parties were never really my thing. Plus Tanya's really getting on my nerves." He grimaced. "But I wasn't actually planning on _having_ a drink. It _hurts_, man!"

I shot him the stinkeye as I downed the last of my glass. "Watch your comments about Tanya. If it wasn't for her, I would probably be wandering around the Amazon or something." I paused, "Then again, maybe that wouldn't be such a shame after all."

"Aww man, Bella! What's wrong with you? You must know how much you've been missed!" He replied with a smile. Then he leant forward, all traces of amusement gone. "So…this may not be the right time, or place, for explanations… but um… _what exactly are you_?"

I glanced at him, shocked. How could he not figure it out? Was he really _that_ thick headed?

Misunderstanding my expression for discomfort, he kept babbling. "I mean, I haven't really been keeping up to date with plastic surgery updates, you know, it's not like I need it or anything, but you look great! Shouldn't you be like, 60? You don't look a day older than when we le- well, you know."

I felt a deep laugh building inside me. The next thing I knew, I was shaking with laughter. In between fits of mirth, I tried to explain. "Emmet- the truth is- I'm not really that much older! Actually- I'm about- five and a half months—older, if we want to be exact." I wasn't even trying to control the laughter, even though that little voice in my head was asking a very good question: Why was I laughing?

I felt tears burning into my eyes, and I realized with a shock that it was possibly the first time since I had changed that I had actually cried from laughing so hard. I looked over at Emmet, who was now wearing my previous expression of shock.

"I'm just- vegan!!" I burst out. Somehow, this was even funnier to me than Emmet's question. I grabbed my glass and giggled "I'm going to go get another drink."

But as I stood up, still giggling, Emmet's fingers closed around my wrist yet again. His face was grave. "Bells, I think you've had enough."

"Isabella!" I corrected yet again, still giggling.

Just then a crash came from right behind us. I turned around, giggles dying in my throat. One of the waitresses had dropped a tray of empty glasses right behind us, spraying glass shards everywhere. I felt Emmet let go of my wrist as he fled from the smell of the blood which was now dripping from her fingers. He probably assumed I would be right behind him. I smirked. Well, I wasn't. Refusing to glance out the front window, I quickly bent down and helped her scoop the pieces back onto the tray.

"Are you alright?" I asked, looking up at her.

She seemed frozen with a shocked expression. Then she just burst into tears. "I- I- I just feel so… so stupid!" She bawled.

"You had to realize sometime, princess." A man jeered from the back. I glared at him before putting my arm around her and leading her behind the bar. Then I took her arm and started wiping off the blood with a damp cloth. I hoped Emmet was watching this. Maybe he would be so freaked out he would just leave. All the while, the waitress was blubbering on and on about losing her job. I wasn't really listening, but made comforting noises when the moment seemed right.

Almost 45 minutes later, I left the bar, feeling very smug. Emmet was leaning against a telephone pole across the street. I would have mistaken him for a brooding statue if it weren't for his hair, ruffling from the slight breeze.

I turned and headed towards my house, pretending I hadn't seen him. I felt his presence beside me, matching my quickened pace step for step.

I shot him a withering glance. "I'm _sure_ they'll be missing you at Tanya's by now."

He shrugged. "I highly doubt it. What was with that back there? You could have killed everyone back there! Whatever…Alice is going to be along in a little while, anyways."

I stopped dead in my tracks, swearing under my breath. All traces of smugness were gone. I had momentarily forgotten about Alice and her little gift.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Come on, Bella. Did you really think you could keep us away forever?" His expression became slightly pained. "Hey, before they show up, do you think you could wipe the blood off your hands? It's kind of distracting."

"Bella is dead." I hissed in a hard voice. Then I slapped him in the face with the bloody hand, and ran off as quickly as my legs would carry me.

As I got closer to my house, I was swiftly calculating how long it would take before Emmet recovered. He would only briefly be dazed, and my trail was clear. I just hoped he would take a little time waiting for Alice to catch up with him. No- what was I thinking!? I didn't want Alice coming to my house. I didn't want _any_ of them coming to my house.

Once I got inside my door, I stopped dead. And it hit me. I sank against the back of my door, tears burning down my face.

The Cullens- _Edward-_ were here. Worse, they knew I was here. Even worse, they had some twisted desire to see me, to increase my pain.

**AN: Ummm. I don't really know what to say. I wrote this at midnight last night, fueled by some spiked Rock Stars and my anti- writer's block. Well, reviews would still be dandy! The best reviews are the ones with suggestions, by the way.**


	5. Well Met

**AN: WAIT! DON'T READ THE CHAPTER YET! **

**So, before you read this chapter, I would like to address 2 things.**

**1) The question "Why doesn't Bella have any crazy cool powers!?"**

**Answer: Sorry, but this story is cliche enough! I don't understand all these "Bella the Vampire" stories that have her with mindblowing, multiple powers such as telekenisis, copying other vampire's powers at any time, force fields, making things burst into flames, being able to make grilled cheese sandwiches just by thinking it...whatever, you get the idea. Anyways, my argument is this: WHY on earth would Bella, have crazy cool powers? Why would she have powers at all? As you most likely will recall, not all vampires have gifts (e.g Esme, Rosalie etc.) **

**2) The intensely lame title of this fic.**

**Okay, I'll admit it's lame. I'm just not very creative, okay? But if you can think of a better name for it then i'll love you forever! Just post your suggestion in a review or something. **

**Sorry for wasting your time with my rants. You may read now.**

My mind was set as I ran around my house, throwing a few essentials into a purse. I would leave right then. I could send for the rest of my stuff later. I angrily berated myself for staying. I should have left as soon as I heard their names. I should have known I couldn't handle it. The adrenaline was pumping in my head. It wasn't running away, really. Just self-preservation. I wanted to keep a grip on sanity for as long as I could, and staying longer could push me over the edge.

I threw open the door, ready to leap into the dark. I was confronted with the sight of Alice, mouth wide open in shock, her hand still frozen in the air, where she was about to knock. Emmet and Jasper were lurking behind her. I froze mid-leap and fell into a graceless heap just inside my door.

I heard a light giggle. "Yup, that's Bella alright. Immortality hasn't cured your clumsiness."

I tried to retain my dignity as I stood up, straightening my clothes. "Alice. Jasper. What a surprise." I nodded solemnly to both of them, fighting to keep my voice level. "And please, call me Isabella."

Alice's face changed from shock to hurt at my cold words. Jasper smoothed all of his features into a impenetrable mask. Emmet just grinned.

For the second time that night, I felt arms around me, squeezing. Once again, I stiffened. Only this time the arms were small and belonged to a person who knew me better than I did. _Used to, _I corrected myself.

"Edward's on his way." She whispered into my chest, so quietly that I was straining to hear, "Whatever you decide to do, I'll understand."

A tear slid down my cheek as I closed my eyes. But this time, it came nowhere near to distracting me from the pain inside. I could have handled it well if Alice had stormed into my house, screaming and raging about how I was ruining their holiday and that she never wanted to see my face again. I could have taken in stride if she had adopted my formal speech. But _understanding?_ This cut deeper than anything she could have done.

She released me and took a step back, studying me. "Wow! You look… just wow." Her eyes reached my face and her eyes narrowed. "Have you been _drinking_, Bel-Isabella? And what's with your eyes?"

I took a deep, steadying breath, as I prepared to explain my existence for the second time that night. Instead, I heard a sharp intake of breath.

My head snapped up, and my eyes took in a sight they hadn't seen since that fateful day in the forest:

Edward.

As in, Edward "_You're no good for me, Bella"_ Cullen.

Somewhere, deep inside me, a dark clawed hand took a painful hold on my lifeless heart.

And ripped it out.

**AN: hehe. I looove being overdramatic, don't know about you guys. Sorry about the shortness. And your reviews are making me happy inside :) keep them coming.**


	6. Sacrifice

**AN: Eh. So I have a confession to make. I WAS PURPOSELY PUTTING OFF PUBLISHING THIS CHAPTER. Ahem. Glad that one's off my chest. Anyways, you'll realize why soon enough.**

**Also, it's the longest chapter yet! I've been getting a lot of complaints about the shortness of the others :P**

"_You've never loved a man more then when he's walking out the door. You've never loved a man more then when he's walking out the door." _I repeated to myself internally. Although Edward was hardly leaving, the circumstances still applied. I only loved him because I couldn't have him. Who had told me that saying? Ah, yes. Julie. She was part of a coven that I had been with in the beginning. I shocked myself with the memory. I had gotten so good at blocking out the memories from that part of my existence, it was suprising they were so clear. They led me to a wave of-what? Numbness? It wasn't pain, that was for sure. But this time, the wave was over my own actions, to those vampires who had done nothing but love me as their own. I was coasting on my lack of feeling right now.

It was then that I realized I had been staring at Edward for a good five minutes. No one had said anything yet, and silence pressed down on my head.

I cleared my throat nervously. "Oh, hi Edward! My my, this is a day of suprises isn't it? You know, no word of you guys for 40 years then boom! All of a sudden you're all back in my life again!" I let out a self-deprecating chuckle which ended with a choking noise. "Well anyways, I would invite you guys in for a little while, you know, for a little tete-a-tete," Tete-a-tete? Where did I even pick that word up? "but um, I'm actually pretty tired." Oh my God. I did not just say I was _tired._ I mentally kicked myself. I tried to redeem myself, "And my house is a mess at the moment right now, I'm kind of in the middle of some re-decorating, you know? But um, nice seeing you guys again! Have a nice life." And with that I sped inside my door, without giving any of them a chance to reply.

Sinking against the back of my door (yet again) I went over my babble-fest word by word. Have a nice _life?_ Damn it. They were all probably out there, cracking up over the mess that was me. I pressed my ear to the door, to see if I could hear anything. No laughter, but I could catch the strains of a hissed argument.

"No Edward- you can't…. leave h…..I don't-"

"What… mean? I can…. stop me!" I shivered at the sound of his voice.

"She's….hurting right…. surprise her like that!...told you…."

"I've had…own share…..love…. deny me? I snorted. Who was _he_ to talk of _love_?

I didn't want to hear their voices anymore. I didn't want to hear them ever again. I stalked up to my room, which couldn't really be called a bedroom, and dumped my bag there. Running away could be put off temporarily. As long as they didn't try to come inside, I could hole up here. Which led me to a very important question. _Why were they doing this to me?_

I was still brooding over it the next morning. I had been pacing the living room endlessly, searching my mind for the answer. Instead, I was just revealing unwanted memories.

I heard my front door creak open. I spun around, growling, ready to take on any and all of the Cullens. I froze in shock when instead I was greeted with the sight of a distressed, red-eyed Tanya.

"Tanya, have you been _drinking_?" I asked, shocked. She had obviously been crying.

She gave me a disparaging look. "_You're_ asking _me_?"

Ah, right. I probably didn't look much different from her right then.

"But…why?"

"You know." Her voice was whisper. I could tell she was struggling to keep her voice from cracking.

"Oh, Tanya." I sighed, crossing the distance between us and holding out my arms to hug her. Before I could she snarled at me, and all in an instant she was in a defensive crouch, baring her teeth.

I stopped a foot away from her and shook my head. "No, Tanya. No fights. Not over this. Not over _him._"

"Why?" She demanded, her voice almost a growl, "Why wouldn't you tell me when you first arrived about them? Why wouldn't you tell me when I told you they were in town? Why would you pretend you didn't know them? _How _could you?"

I looked down and mumbled something about how it didn't seem important at the time. Even I could tell that it was a horrible lie. She obviously caught it too.

"You knew that I loved him." It wasn't a question. I avoided her accusing stare.

Then all of a sudden she was a sobbing heap on the soft carpet. I knelt down with her, and tried to reach out to her again, but she shrank from my touch. It was then that I met her gaze. The torrent of emotions shocked me. Regret, hate, challenge, nostalgia, and of course angst. Lots of it. It saddened me. And I realized that nothing, _nothing _was worth this. I had hurt, and been hurt, by too many people, and it would end now. My pain meant nothing to anyone but me.

I closed my eyes, gearing myself up.

"Tanya," I began, "I am so, so, so sorry. I should have been honest with you from the start. I just…I didn't want to hurt you. But I want you to know," I paused and took a deep breath, hardly believing what I was about to say, "that you can have him-Edward, I mean. I don't want our friendship to end because of him."

I watched closely as her expression changed from shock, to disbelief, to suspicion, and finally settled on confusion.

"You…would…give…up….Edward….for _me?_" She said, pronouncing each and every word slowly and clearly, as if she didn't want to mistake me.

I smiled at nodded, my own tears beginning to burn into my eyes. I wasn't too sure if they were from sadness or happiness, because all I could feel was relief wash over me.

"What do you want from me?" She whispered, eyes wide.

"Nothing except your forgiveness." I smiled. The refreshing relief was replaced by the numbness from the previous night. "And maybe an answer. How did you find out anyways? About… me and him, I mean."

"Oh," She said, laughing, "When Edward left the gathering last night, I was about to follow him but Esme stopped me. I demanded to know the reason why. I guess you could say I was very persuasive."

I winced. Poor Esme.

Her face turned utterly serious. "I hope you realize that I will hold you to your word about this."

"I understand." I held her gaze.

She stiffened. "One of them is on their way right now." She sniffed. "I'd better go."

I caught the scent too. It wasn't familiar, so it had to be one of the Cullens. "No- Tanya, wait…. you don't have to leave."

But she was already out the door, leaving only the imprint of her body on the carpet. I shook my head slowly. _Did I just do that?_ Was it the right thing to do?

"You really shouldn't have said that." A voice behind me chuckled, as if answering my thoughts.

**AN: So I struggled a lot with this chapter, but I think that more avoidance had to happen. I mean come on, the guy left her for 40 years!**

**I'll admit it was heavily flawed, _sorry_.**

**And btw, your reviews blew me away! Seriously, you guys are the best. Keep them coming.**

**P.S anyone who can think of a better name for this fic gets a big fictional cookie. The good kind too, with white macadamia and all that yummy stuff. Mmm.**


	7. Forced Reunion

**AN: Okay, so I've kind of failed you. The whole hiatus was totally uncalled for. But this chapter was sooo hard to write! I honestly don't know what's oging to happen, the characters just kind of...tell me... I'm so crazy :P**

**Anyways, I made this chapter extra long!**

I spun around, snarling. Alice was leaning against the stairway, a smirk plastered across her face.

"You know, most normal people come in through the door. House-breaking is a crime here, actually."

She continued on as if she hadn't heard me. "You have no idea what a hard time Edward's been having, trying to dissuade her, among other things." Her face darkened. "Why would you say that to her, anyways? You should _know_ that Edward doesn't feel the same way about her. You're just giving her false hopes."

"_I should know?_ Sorry Alice, we can't all read minds or see the future." I replied, shaking my head. "Even so, Tanya would be a good distraction for Edward." I laughed bitterly. "Last I heard he was really into finding brief distractions."

She just raised a cynical eyebrow at me. The silence was deafening.

"How'd you get in here, by the way?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"You should check the locks on your windows and doors more often, Bell-Isabella." She smirked.

I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah, next time I'm down at the hardware store I'll pick up some vampire-proof locks. Why are you here?"

She sighed, and her façade broke. Oh no. Not another sob story. I didn't know how many I could handle in the space of 10 minutes. At least she hadn't been drinking.

Instead, she just looked down and whispered. "I just miss my best friend."

I blinked at her for a few moments before her words sunk in. _Best friend?_ Who was she talking about? Oh...

The thread that was holding me to my sanity snapped.

"WHAT D'YOU MEAN, YOU MISSED YOUR BEST FRIEND!?" I shrieked. "YOU LEFT WITHOUT A GOODBYE 40 YEARS AGO! YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME YOUR BEST FRIEND?" Tears were burning down my face again, I was so angry. I took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm myself down. "What I mean to say," I began again, "Is that I hardly think we- you and me, I mean- can be described as best friends. What with the whole leaving thing and everything."

"Bella, I didn't-"

"Isabella." I interrupted her.

"Right, Isabella, sorry, whatever. Listen, you don't think that I _wanted_ to leave, did you? I _had_ to. Edward told us all to leave, and never to interfere with your life again. I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, but Edward thought it would be the best way. He just wanted you to have a safe, normal life. He never thought that you would…" She gulped, "Well, you know."

I snorted. "Yeah, my life was sure safe and normal. High-fives all around for Edward's good intuition."

"He was just trying to protect you." She smiled sadly. "How did you get changed, anyways?"

"Laurent." I stated bluntly. "He was trying to kill me. Unfortunately, some werewolves drove him off."

She raised her eyebrows again, this time in disbelief. "Really? The Quil-"

"I don't want to talk about it just yet." I interrupted her. No more unsheathing memories for me.

She didn't ask any questions. "Okay. Well… I know I'm not really in any position to ask for this… but will you forgive me? I'm really sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I'm really sorry for leaving at all. I wish we had stayed, honestly. Please forgive me."

I already had, in my mind. "Of course." I smiled crookedly, holding out my arms. She hugged me tightly.

"Oh, Isabella, I've missed you so much!" She said, her voice muffled.

"I've missed you too!" I replied. "Hey, why don't we get out of here? Seeing as I hardly think it's worth my time to attempt to hide from you anymore."

"Yeah, I guess not." She laughed, "Any good shopping around here?"

"Pfft, _no._ This is a logging community. I was thinking we could go hunting, actually." I said, my hands unconsciously releasing her to brush my eyes.

She stepped back, confused. "But I thought-"

"I don't _need_ to drink blood, ever." I explained, "It just freaks out the humans when my eyes fade as much as they have now."

She rolled her eyes at me. "This is the 21st century, for goodness sakes. I find it hard to believe that you can't get your hands on a pair on colour contacts, even in a _logging community._" She said, pronouncing the last words as is they were terminal disease. "C'mon, we have lots of colour contacts with us at the motel. We can find a pair for you."

"I don't think that that's a good idea." I wrinkled my nose in consternation. I didn't want to risk any run-ins with Edward.

I got another eye-roll. "You're going to have to face him _eventually_, you realize that right? Might as well make it now. Plus, someone's gotta tell him about Tanya." She snickered. And before I could protest, she bundled me out the door and into the front seat of her waiting car. Man, was she ever strong!!

Once I got into the car, though, I knew something was going on. For one thing, we were heading the exact opposite way of the motel.

"Alice," I said cautiously, with a hint of panic leaking into my voice "Your motel is the other way."

It was then that I felt a familiar, frustrating calmness flow through me. I swiveled in the seat and narrowed my eyes at Jasper, who was sitting directly behind me. He only smiled sheepishly.

"You have no idea how annoying that is." I grumbled, struggling futilely against the invading serenity. I swiveled back around and glared out the windshield, vaguely recognizing that we were on the highway which lead to the harbour.

The silence was defeaning and tense. I gave in first. "So, where are we going?" I sighed.

"You," Alice said, emphasizing each word through gritted teeth, "are going to a reunion. With Edward. Right now." Her tone suggested she wouldn't take any nonsense, and she stepped on the gas pedals as I heard all the locks click.

"Didn't I only _just_ forgive you?" I demanded. "Shouldn't you be bending to my will and still groveling for forgiveness for your terrible deeds?"

"Yes, but that can come later." She replied, grinning evilly. "The truth is, I was going to find a way to bring you here even if you didn't forgive me. Which I knew you would, but still."

I threw Jasper a pleading look. He just replied with a shrug and another sheepish smile.

"What about Tanya?" I tried a different approach. "She's probably with him right now!"

"I doubt she even knows where he is."

"Tearing up your forgiveness card from me is one thing, but ruining my friendship with Tanya is another!" I pleaded. "Don't hurt her!"

Alice fixed me with a level gaze, still driving. "It's up to you whether you will turn tonight into a friendship-wrecking affair." She told me, "I'm just bringing you to meet him."

She did have a point. What happened tonight was in my control. I didn't have to hurt anyone. I felt the calm seep through me once again, a precaution Jasper must have taken in case of another outburst. I just leant back and closed my eyes, trying not to think.

A few minutes later, we drove up to the harbour. I felt like I was a convict walking to the chopping block as I got out of the car. I shot one last glare at Alice. "I'll do it, but I'm not going to be happy about it, I hope you know."

She shot me a smug smile. "I know. But you'll thank me later. I know that too." She tapped her head meaningfully. I rolled my eyes and walked towards the docks.

He was waiting at the end of the last dock. I stood at the other end, refusing to give into the full idea of this "reunion". I closed my eyes and thought of Tanya. My feelings didn't matter in this. I cleared my thoughts and focused on not hurting anyone.

When I opened my eyes, Edward had turned around. I caught my breath at his sheer perfection, which never ceased to amaze me. Even though the day was desperately overcast, he seemed to shimmer slightly.

As he walked towards me, I noticed his black eyes and dark bags under his eyes. I frowned. There was no need to go thirsty in a place like this. He walked as if approaching a frightened deer, as if I would just run off if he made any fast movements. I considered this. It wasn't such a bad idea, actually.

"Hello, Isabella." A small smile played on his lips. Even though he was still a good 20 feet away, and speaking under his breath, I could hear him as if he was standing right in front of me. The hole in my chest which he had created, and I had almost successfully frozen, melted with a sobbing noise. I realized that in reality the noises were mine. I was sinking down onto the wooden dock, my arms wrapped protectively around myself. A few tears burned out of my eyes. How did I even drink enough to generate this many tears? I wondered.

He was beside me in an instant, reaching out to me. Like Tanya had done to me that day, I shrank from his arms.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped, although my heart was singing a different tune.

His eyes were full of pain now, his arms back at his side. "Please, Edward," I whispered, meeting his gaze, "Don't make this any harder than it already is."

"Listen, Bella. I don't want to make this any harder on you, but you must hear me out." He began. He was kneeling beside me on the docks, his eyes downcast. "I am so, _so_ sorry that I left you. I honestly thought it was the only way to keep you safe." I was surprised when he gave a bitter laugh, which I had been holding in my throat since I saw him. "I can't believe how wrong I was. I told Alice to stop keeping tabs on you… I thought she still would, but obviously she listened to me for once." He leaned closer to me, catching my gaze and holding it. His voice was a low murmur. "The truth is… every day since the day I left has been sheer agony. The only thing I've gotten out of them is a solidification on something I've always known." He placed his hands gently on my face, lifting it so that he could look into my eyes. "The thing is that I love you, Bella. And I probably always will."

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together as his speech progressed. I was a torrent of emotions, and I was trying to keep my most logical ones at the surface. The first: confusion.

"Why?" I whispered.

He looked confused. "Bella I-"

"Isabella!" I interrupted and corrected him, my voice growing stronger. "Why are you doing this? What are you trying to gain from hurting me more?" I demanded. My eyes narrowed. "Or is this just another _distraction_ for you? Ugh!"

His eyes conveyed pure astonishment. "Bel-Isabella, I don't know how to let you believe this, but I am being serious. I've never been so serious in my life."

I made a snorting noise, refusing to let his words sink in. "Go back to Tanya. Let her distract you for a while, into you tire of her too. I'm sick of being your puppet."

And with that, I turned around and ran. I didn't care if any humans saw me. I didn't know if I could outrun all three Cullens, but I would give it my best shot. A quick glance behind me showed they weren't following. I slowed down, then collapsed by the side of the road, still refusing to think about my latest encounter with the Cullens. Where was I going to go?

As if answering my thoughts, a car slowed to a stop in front of me. Jerry, with a sheepish grin on his face, rolled down the window.

"Need some help?"

"You have no idea."

I sashayed towards his car and got in, and we drove off. I didn't know where we were going, and I honestly didn't care.

**Uh Oh Spaghetti O's!! Stay tuned for more :)**

**And review review review!!**


	8. Leave

**AN: Okay, sorry about the hiatus, shortness of the chapter, yadda yadda yadda.**

**No, really, I am sorry. I guess I'm just not that good of an author...**

Two days later, I was a mess. I was living in Jerry's clothes, all of which smelt faintly of Axe and pine. Jerry was taking it surprisingly well, though, with no questions asked. He had even gotten me a pair of colour contacts. He was taking my intrusion much too well. I hoped he wasn't developing feelings for me. I didn't want to add that to my list of problems.

It was around noon and I was watching Survivor reruns, yet again, through glassy eyes. Jerry was at work, and I had all the curtains drawn and windows and doors locked and closed. I didn't want to take any chances.

Just then the doorbell rang. I threw a swift glance at the clock. It wasn't late enough for Jerry's lunch break, so I figured it had to be yet another vendor. The last one had been about two hours ago, selling sets of encyclopedias. _Encyclopedias._ I smiled as I got up to open the door.

The doorbell rang again.

"Alright! I'm coming!" I yelled, purposely slowing down my steps. Some people were so pushy these days!

Instead of someone peddling random exotic goods, though, I was greeted by Tanya, who once again probably looked as bad as I did. She was wearing a pair of sweatpants which must have been at least 50 years old, and her hair was teased into a mushroom cloud.

I silently raised my eyebrow at her. Her expression mirrored mine as I let her in.

"So. Here's the deal." She said hesitatingly. "The thing is- wait. Before I tell you, I want you to know that I've been thinking about this for a long time, and so don't question me, just accept it. Okay?"

I nodded, still mute. Why had all my meetings with friends and past friends been so serious lately? What happened to laughter? I remembered the time Tanya and I had burst out of a lecture with a university professor, years ago, laughing so hard it made us weak and gave us cramps. Laughter had solidified our friendship, and now we were breaking apart.

"I'm leaving." She announced.

I stared at her, dumbstruck. "Why?" I whispered. "Is this because of Edward again? Or what?"

She shrugged. "Partly. Well, mostly. But the truth is I've lived here far too long anyways. I've just been moving around Alaska for the last 50 or so years, and it's time to move on. You know, see the world? I'm almost 200 years old, but I haven't been out of North America." She barked a laugh. "I thought I would start with South America."

"Yeah, I've actually been thinking of moving on too." I replied. I actually hadn't been thinking anything of the sort, but it seemed like the right thing to say. "We could leave-"

"Actually," She cut me off with a sad smile on her face, "I think I'm going to go on my own. Make some new friends. But good luck with wherever you're going, okay?"

I nodded. "When do you leave?"

"Tommorow."

"How did you track me down, anyways?"

"It was no easy feat." She laughed, "Jerry's practically running through the streets screaming that you're staying here."

Oh dear. So he _had _developed feelings for me, after all. Damn.

There was an awkward pause.

"Well, before I go," Tanya said, "I just want to tell you something, and I want you to take me totally seriously and actually consider what I'm saying, 'kay?"

I nodded yet again.

"So the thing is… As much as I love- well, I _think_ I love him anyways- Edward, I love _love_ more. He doesn't love me back. It's obvious to see who he does love, though." She smiled sadly at me. "Don't waste it."

She enveloped me into a tight hug, then ran off, leaving the door open and swinging, with a slight breeze ruffling my hair. I walked to the door, and looked down the road where she had run off. I didn't know when I would see her again, but I sure hoped that that wasn't the last time.

When Jerry returned home that day, he found a note thanking him for all his hospitality beside some freshly baked cookies. After Tanya had left, I had had a shower, changed, then taken off in the opposite direction with nothing but the clothes on my back. I was tired of hurting people, and the only way I could see for me to stop was to just take myself out of their lives completely. I didn't stop running.

Sometime the next day, I slowed. Then stopped. I had absolutely no sense of direction, I had just been running aimlessly.

Which is why it was amazing that I had ended up in this meadow. The meadow which Edward had taken me to in the beginning. The meadow which had been the death of me.

"Isabella?" An incredulous voice gasped, upwind of me. A voice which I instantly recognized as someone I hadn't seen in many, many years.

**Gasp!! What will happen next? Who could it be?**

**Dun Dun Dun.**

**(Honestly, I don't know who it is yet. Will find out soon enough though.)**


	9. Sorry!

Hi guys—

Contrary to your beliefs, I have not forgotten about Alaska. I've honestly read all your reviews and PM's, and am still **amazed** at the fact that people actually like my story. The thing is, I've just been uninspired. I thought the latest book would help, but it just turned me off this story even more. I didn't want to write uninspired and pull a Breaking Dawn on you guys.

So here's the deal: this story can be yours, dearest readers.

If you would like to continue Alaska, PM me, write the next chapter. I will link to it on this chapter. Since I would have a very hard time choosing between you (that is, if more than one person actually wants to continue this story….if _anyone _does...), if multiple people end up applying, I'll just link to all of them. And I promise I'll read them all. Perhaps I'll post my favourite one at the top, or something. I don't know. If you would like me to tell you who the mystery man in the meadow is, include it in your PM.

Happy writing and reading!

**Love,**

Theresa


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